Abbott & Costello – Who’s On First Lyrics

Costello: The guy on first base. Abbott: That’s how it does. Costello: That’s what I’m saying!?Abbott: You’re not saying it…
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally. Costello: So you the manager? Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That’s it. Abbott: Tomorrow. Abbott: That’s it! Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game! Costello: Well who’s on first? Abbott: No you don’t! Now you’ve got it. Abbott: Who is on first. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Costello: What’s the guy’s name on first? Costello: He better get it! And Tomorrow’s pitching. Abbott: I say, Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third and then you…
Costello: You the manager? Costello: That’s what I’m saying! Don’t…don’t change the players. Abbott: What time what? Lou. Costello: How does it look to you? Abbott: That’s how he signs it. Costello: I’m not changin’ nobody! Costello: Okay. Costello: I’m askin’ you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper…
Abbott: Yes, now wait…
Costello: …he puts his name on it. Abbott: Yeah. What signs his own receipt. Costello: That’s who? Abbott: He does! Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. Abbott: He’s on third base. Costello: Go ahead and tell me. Costello: Naturally? Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. You don’t wanna tell me, today…tomorrow…do you? Costello: The guy you give the money to. Who signs it. Abbott: What is the guy’s name on second base! Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. Abbott: So Who gets it. Costello: You got a outfield? Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Who’s on first. Abbott: Now, What’s on second. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who is on first! Costello: What’s his name? Abbott: How do you…how do you like my lawn club for St. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: No, Who signs his. Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Well now wait a minute. Costello: Now I’ve got it…
Abbott: Hey! Abbott: I’m telling you. Abbott: Now listen. Abbott: Who’s on first. Abbott: Oh, that’s our shortstop! Abbott: Well I just thought I’d tell you. Abbott: Now wait a minute. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get it. Costello: To you. Costello: Well, you know, I’d like to know some of the guys’ names on the team so when I meet ‘em on the street or in the ballpark I’ll be able to say, “Hello,” to those people. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Who? Who. Abbott: Now you’ve got it! Abbott: Who. Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Yeah. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it…
Costello: How…
Abbott: …and what puts his name on it…
Costello: How does the fella’s name on first base look to you when he signs his name? Abbott: Yeah! Costello: The left fielder’s name? Abbott: Who. Costello: I don’t know…
Both: Third base. Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. I’m not asking you, I am telling you. I want to know what’s the pitcher’s name? Costello: Oh…
Abbott: Told you all these players got…
Costello: All I’m tryin’ to figure out is what’s the guy’s name in leftfield. Costello: To you. The…
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Costello: You got a catcher? Abbott: No! Costello: Naturally. You…You just don’t give money to someone without having ‘em sign the receipt! Abbott: Yeah. Costello: H—How…Who? Abbott: No, What’s on second. Costello: That’s whose name? Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Today. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to? Abbott: Who! Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second. Abbott: Who! Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names. Costello: The catcher’s name? Abbott: Who! Costello: I throw it to who? Costello: So the catcher’s name? Abbott: That’s it. Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Who. Costello: That’s how who signs it? Abbott: I sure do. Costello: I don’t know. Costello: Then tell me the guys’ names. So I throw the ball to first base. Abbott: That’s how he signs it! Abbott: Yes. Abbott: Sure. Abbott: Now calm down. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: That’s the man’s name! Costello: Naturally gets the ball and…and…
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who. Costello: Does he give you a receipt? I’m askin’ you! Abbott: No it isn’t. Costello: You ain’t tellin’ me nothin’. Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s pitching? Abbott: Oh, he’s centerfield. Costello: The guy that you give the money to. Now who’s got it? Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Naturally gets the ball and…Nat—
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time? Costello: I don’t even know what I’m talkin’ about! Costello: You! Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don’t you? Abbott: Why not? Abbott: Who’s on first. They give ‘em funny names though, St. Abbott: I’m the manager! Abbott: Why. He’s on third and I don’t give a darn! Abbott: Naturally. Abbott: No! Abbott: Who’s playin’ first. Costello: Wait…What’s the guy’s name on first base? Costello: The left fielder’s name? Abbott: What’s on second. Costello: Today. Costello: I don’t know. Abbott: Yes. Costello: I said, I don’t give a darn! Abbott: Yeah. Abbott: What’s the guy’s name on second base. What throws it to I Don’t Know. Abbott: Yes. Abbott: That’s it. Costello: Look, you got a first baseman? Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team! Costello: Hey, Abbott…
Abbott: What? Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get the ball! Costello: Whose wife? Abbott: Naturally. Who is not…
Costello: I’ll break your arm, you say who’s on first! Abbott: Naturally. I’m askin’ you, who’s on first? Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second. Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm…Because! Costello: I’m askin’ you. Abbott: Who. Who’s on first? Costello: The guy you give the money to. Abbott: Yeah. Costello: You know the guys’ names? Abbott: He’s on third. Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team. Abbott: Who. I don’t know! Abbott: Yeah, sure. Costello: I just thought I’d ask you. After all, the man’s entitled to it…
Costello: Who is? Abbott: That’s his name. Abbott: No, no, no, no…
Costello: He gets the ball. Abbott: Sure. Abbott: Wouldn’t be a fine team without a pitcher. Costello: The guy playin’ first. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Every dollar of it. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right. Costello: The guy playin’ first base. Costello: What are you askin’ me for? Abbott: Sure. What’s the guy’s name that signs the receipt on first base? Costello: All right. Costello: Who’s playin’ second? Abbott: Naturally. Lou? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me! Costello: To you. Abbott: That’s it. Abbott: Who. Costello: You don’t want to tell me today? Costello: Well how does he sign his name? Costello: Why? Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Look…
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? Abbott: That’s his name. Costello: Who signs his own receipt? Abbott: Well that’s…That’s all you have…
Costello: That’s all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Costello: Then tell me the fella’s name playin’ first. Costello: That’s what I’m askin’ you! Costello: I don’t know. Abbott: Who. Abbott: All right. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesn’t he have to sign the receipt? I asked you a simple question. Abbott: Now that’s how it looks. You know now, I’m a good catcher. Costello: What are you askin’ me for? Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second! Abbott: Why sure I’ll introduce you to the boys. I’m askin’ you, who’s on first? Abbott: Well I can’t help that. Costello: Today. Abbott: What’d you say? Now we’re not talking about him. Costello: I’m not askin’ you who’s on second! Abbott: I’m telling you their names! Both: Third base! Costello: You got a pitcher on this team? Now who’s got it? Abbott: He’s…
Costello: Third base, I know. Now, I get behind the plate and…and Tomorrow’s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Abbott: I’m telling you. Abbott: Now listen…
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Same as you! What’s the guys’ name on first base? Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today? I pick up the ball; I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. Costello: You know the guys’ names? Abbott: Could be. Abbott: Who. Now I ask you, who gets it? Abbott: Who. Abbott: Today. Costello: I don’t know. Abbott: Naturally. Abbott: Who’s on first. Costello: How does he sign the receipt? Costello: What are you askin’ me for? Abbott: Who. What’s the guy’s name on first base you give the money to? Abbott: Who! Abbott: Well it should be. Abbott: Who! Costello: All I’m tryin’ to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base…
Abbott: What is on second base. Costello: That’s whose name? Abbott: I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Well, let’s see, on the team we have uh Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…
Costello: Are you the manager? Abbott: Naturally.