Bette Midler – Concert Monologue Lyrics

Isn’t it wonderful to be in love? And when he finally does, round about four o’clock in the morning with whiskey on his breath and the smell of another woman on his person…
Oh, honey I can smell another woman at five hundred paces! We got some noisy females in the house tonight! Oh, i love to be in love, don’t you love to be in love? Get into that kitchen and rattle them pots and pans… and you better look pretty god-damned good doing it too or else you gonna lose your good thang! Do you say, “Oh, honey, let me open up my loving arms and my loving legs! Ain’t it just grand laying there late at night in bed waiting for your man to show up? Oh, being a woman is so interesting don’t you find it? Dive right in, baby, the water’s fine!” Is that what you say, girls?! I do like to hear that high-pitched sound, you know I do. Ain’t it just great to be in love? Or do you say, “Pack your bags! That’s a easy one to catch! Oh! What are we ladies, what are we? I did, I thought I found myself one. And why do we dot that, why do we do that? Oh, ain’t it wonderful? When he… When he… Oh! You know why? You know, you know sometimes, sometimes people say to me, “Rose, when’s the first time you ever heard the blues?” And u know what i tell ’em? We are waitresses at the banquet of life! ‘Coz i was born a woman. So what do you do when he comes home with the smell of another woman on him? I’m gonna go find me a real man, a good man, a true man, a man to love me for sure.”
You know I tell you something, I tell u something: I tohught… at one time i actually thought i found myself one. I tell you why we do that, we do that to find looove. I’m putting on my little waitress cap and my fancy high heel shoes. Ah! “The day i was born.” You know why?